A few days back I had written a post in which I outlined five pieces of advice I would like to give to my 18 year old self. In the post I had urged readers to comment with their advice to their 18 y/o selves. Riddhi, a dear friend of mine (and now an ex classmate sadly) was kind enough to write this post outlining what she'd like to tell her 18 year old self. It is filled with deep insights and profound reflections. Beside that I'm also excited because it is the first guest post on the blog! Here's what she wrote -
An older, but similar-enough, looking version of myself coming back in time to tell a younger me about the keys to success in all the relevant spheres, would be exactly the kind of fantasy I would entertain and enjoy thoroughly as a Freshman. Of course, the laws of time and space were bent solely so that my older self could come and help me save myself and, in turn, the world. I have a fundamental problem with using the lens that I have procured at this stage in my life to unfairly apply it to my younger self. Nothing that I have learnt now would have happened without my, mostly, aimless younger self navigating the world without a manual or any prescribed guidance or rules, and honestly thank god for that. All that I know, I know because I was allowed to forge my own path and make mistakes and live with the consequences. All this being said, and the overtly antagonistic view I hold for such “looking back on my past self” patronizing nonsense aside, there are certain shackles that come from being younger and, thus presumably, more immature that stunted my professional and personal development to an undeniable degree. The most important hurdle would be to get over myself, as most people my age at the time are so headstrong in their convictions and views of the world, letting their stubbornness blind and eventually maim them, it is important to really sit down and consider the implications of the advice being given to you, rather than taking it at face value. This brings me to the first lesson in a series of other equally revelatory ones:
1. Listen now, judge later. For all the advice columns that list the revolutionary benefits of listening to people in order to refine your own worldview, I implore you to look at it also as a way to extend an olive branch to people, to show them that you believe what they are saying has value and deserves to be said. This allows them to view you as someone they can be more honest with about their opinions and outlooks and helps form, at the very least, a sense of mutual respect. This doesn’t mean you need to take their word as the gospel truth or implement it completely into your life, or even at all, but have some faith in the notion that people with views that don’t parrot yours have something meaningful to say that can truly help you. Really absorb what is being said and then make a judgement on it, don’t let your own bias about their predispositions discard what they are trying to tell you right out the gate. Judging is an important part of the process, because merely being a sounding board does little to help in your own rationalizing. Judgement isn’t something to shy away from, it is just meant to be a part of the process at the end stage and not prima facie.
2. Discover more about the niche topics you’re interested in from mainstream sources. Chances are you have already gone down the rabbit hole, as I have, of the very specific interests you hold, but it blinds you to understanding the place of that topic in the larger scheme of things. It can be gratifying to learn the most miniscule details of a book series or movie trilogy you are obsessing over at the time but closing yourself off to the more general and well-written criticisms or overlaps those entities hold in the mainstream media and culture shuts off any wider application you can gain from having a specialized knowledge in that field. Exclusivity is what I sought by knowing every variation and detail about the things I cared about, but it often alienated me to the broader impact those understandings were affording others that allowed themselves to move past the self-assigned importance of hoarding knowledge and actually use it for the benefit of their overall development and that of others.
3. Actually do the thing, don’t just read about it. If you get the chance to intern, do it and do it earnestly. Work hard and try and use your learnings from class in the workplace, but also understand that reading about an industry or a topic pales in comparison to actually embellishing in the mundanity of living it each day. You start to sense the unspoken and undocumented things that have the largest impact in those sectors and that would otherwise go unnoticed without firsthand observation. Not everyone gets the time or opportunity to do this, but if you do, even for a few weeks, jump at the chance.
4. Without personal satisfaction, professional and academic success can become an empty pursuit. If you think you’ll have time for friends and romantic partners later because they act as obstacles to your quest to reach to the top of the totem pole right now, well then, it’s probably safe to assume those important emotional pillars probably don’t care to have you around either anyway. Aristotle relays the importance of having friends that matter, in addition to the “deal friends” that you use to get ahead in life. People that enrich your soul and make you feel immense gratitude for being yourself, flawed and hurtful and imperfect as you are, will act as the base that holds the, no doubt, tall tower that your drive and ambition build upon it. Making connections for yourself outside of your professional sphere is important and stands to benefit you in your work. The risk you run of being isolated in your professional pursuits is the self-importance you put on your work and trying to exclusively derive meaning in your life from it. It is too much pressure to put on that career path and makes you entitled to believe that the work you do directly correlates to your worth as a person in absolution.
These are merely observations of things I wish I allocated more time and resources to. In actuality, I have no advice to give my younger self, and even if I did, I doubt younger me would listen or attribute those words correctly. The maturity I so self-righteously boast about here has only come from time and self-reflection, luxuries my 18-year-old self did not have. This is not to say I don’t have any regrets about the way I approached my undergraduate degree. I have enough to construct a comprehensive course on for my university, and I am not here to tell anyone that all the mistakes you made and things you went through were worth it in the end, some just weren’t.
All of this to say, I wish I had been more present with my classes, my internships, my friends and, most importantly, myself. My younger self would be baffled to see me because we do look awfully alike despite the time that has passed, but we are not the same. The benefit of hindsight I have comes at the cost of her aimless wandering. And I wouldn’t want to trade that in for her for the world. Benjamin Button, nearing the beginning of his life, put it perfectly in a letter to his daughter, when he wrote: “I hope you live a life you’re proud of. And if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” Starting over is symbolic and not literal and should be done over and over again at the age you find yourself in. Make your own choices and mistakes, don’t listen to me because who is to say that the life I am living now, and thus basing my advice upon, is worth aspiring for? Benjamin regressed in age, and so did his body and mind, but his insight and understanding of the world sharpened. Every moment not spent making the most of the situation you find yourself in is a moment lost in time, something to mull over years later when you’re deciding what you would say to yourself when you had an abundance of it.
2. Discover more about the niche topics you’re interested in from mainstream sources. Chances are you have already gone down the rabbit hole, as I have, of the very specific interests you hold, but it blinds you to understanding the place of that topic in the larger scheme of things. It can be gratifying to learn the most miniscule details of a book series or movie trilogy you are obsessing over at the time but closing yourself off to the more general and well-written criticisms or overlaps those entities hold in the mainstream media and culture shuts off any wider application you can gain from having a specialized knowledge in that field. Exclusivity is what I sought by knowing every variation and detail about the things I cared about, but it often alienated me to the broader impact those understandings were affording others that allowed themselves to move past the self-assigned importance of hoarding knowledge and actually use it for the benefit of their overall development and that of others.
3. Actually do the thing, don’t just read about it. If you get the chance to intern, do it and do it earnestly. Work hard and try and use your learnings from class in the workplace, but also understand that reading about an industry or a topic pales in comparison to actually embellishing in the mundanity of living it each day. You start to sense the unspoken and undocumented things that have the largest impact in those sectors and that would otherwise go unnoticed without firsthand observation. Not everyone gets the time or opportunity to do this, but if you do, even for a few weeks, jump at the chance.
4. Without personal satisfaction, professional and academic success can become an empty pursuit. If you think you’ll have time for friends and romantic partners later because they act as obstacles to your quest to reach to the top of the totem pole right now, well then, it’s probably safe to assume those important emotional pillars probably don’t care to have you around either anyway. Aristotle relays the importance of having friends that matter, in addition to the “deal friends” that you use to get ahead in life. People that enrich your soul and make you feel immense gratitude for being yourself, flawed and hurtful and imperfect as you are, will act as the base that holds the, no doubt, tall tower that your drive and ambition build upon it. Making connections for yourself outside of your professional sphere is important and stands to benefit you in your work. The risk you run of being isolated in your professional pursuits is the self-importance you put on your work and trying to exclusively derive meaning in your life from it. It is too much pressure to put on that career path and makes you entitled to believe that the work you do directly correlates to your worth as a person in absolution.
These are merely observations of things I wish I allocated more time and resources to. In actuality, I have no advice to give my younger self, and even if I did, I doubt younger me would listen or attribute those words correctly. The maturity I so self-righteously boast about here has only come from time and self-reflection, luxuries my 18-year-old self did not have. This is not to say I don’t have any regrets about the way I approached my undergraduate degree. I have enough to construct a comprehensive course on for my university, and I am not here to tell anyone that all the mistakes you made and things you went through were worth it in the end, some just weren’t.
All of this to say, I wish I had been more present with my classes, my internships, my friends and, most importantly, myself. My younger self would be baffled to see me because we do look awfully alike despite the time that has passed, but we are not the same. The benefit of hindsight I have comes at the cost of her aimless wandering. And I wouldn’t want to trade that in for her for the world. Benjamin Button, nearing the beginning of his life, put it perfectly in a letter to his daughter, when he wrote: “I hope you live a life you’re proud of. And if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” Starting over is symbolic and not literal and should be done over and over again at the age you find yourself in. Make your own choices and mistakes, don’t listen to me because who is to say that the life I am living now, and thus basing my advice upon, is worth aspiring for? Benjamin regressed in age, and so did his body and mind, but his insight and understanding of the world sharpened. Every moment not spent making the most of the situation you find yourself in is a moment lost in time, something to mull over years later when you’re deciding what you would say to yourself when you had an abundance of it.
This is amazing! So well written... and helpful for me even at 23 :P
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